Learning to Breathe
by qkslvr
Summary: [Just a rant. Nothing to see here...] When we have problems, we run. But, how far can we escape? (shounen ai)
1. prologue

**Disclaimer: This won't be called_ fanfiction _if I owned it, right? Right.******

**Warnings: Shounen ai, crappy writing, the usual.******

**Notes: First Furuba fic, yo! Go easy on me, 'kay?******

**Learning to Breathe**

His vision blurred as the scenery around him changed in rapid succession. The lights from houses and streetlamps merged into one long glare, flashing at his eyes as it flew passed him. Or was he the one who's moving?

Sweat (or tears) fell from his eyes, clouding his sights, but he went on.

He was just running.

In truth, he didn't know from what he was running from because as far as he's concerned, no matter how far he got, the hurt was still there, pounding on his very being with an impact that can drive one to insanity.

But he ignored it. Still, he ran.

Before he knew it, his surroundings were starting to get more unfamiliar and his body seemed more than ready to give up. Rapid heartbeat pounded on his ears, his chest constricting. His muscles were so fatigued he knew that once he fell, it would take sometime before he can get up again. His lungs are a few puffs away from exploding and his sobs were exhausting all of his energy.

People say that everything's just mind over matter. If you have a mind strong enough to control the things around you, you'll be fine. He's never really tried testing the theory but he wanted to see how true that is.

When his legs gave up on him, he found himself kissing the ground. Still, he tried to get up but apparently, the laws of physiology won't allow it. His muscles ached but he ignored it. His heart and lungs were so exhausted he wasn't sure where one ended and the other one began. His chest was just one bulk of pain. But still, he ignored it.

He wanted to run away. As far from_ that _place as possible.

Finally giving up, he stayed put for a while, kneeling on the grass, his forehead on the ground.

As if triggered by the sudden relaxation of the body, images from earlier assaulted his mind.

The tears came again.

Pushing back the errant emotions at the farthest back of his brain as possible, he tried to get up again, only to have his arms fail him and he fell back down to the grass. Rolling over, he tried to keep the tears from coming out.

Crying doesn't help. It never did. When he was young, every time someone blamed him for something he never did, he would cry. But no one would help him. Except his Shishou. So what's the use in crying now? Just because he now has people around him who'd say they help him when he needs it doesn't change anything. Just because he has…he shook his head, pushing the memory away.

No. He's alone. He was always alone and that's how things will stay. Caring for someone is a liability. It's a weakness.

Some say that when you have people who care for you, you can face anything. If you have people you care about, you'll be_ willing _to face anything. Maybe they haven't had those people turn their backs on them. Maybe they've never been betrayed.

Betrayed. Who would've thought? Things like that aren't supposed to happen to him. He did a good job. He built a wall so tall and so thick around him that not even air can pass through. It's not possible.

But it was. Otherwise, he won't be in this position. He wouldn't have run so far to try to get away only to find out that it makes no difference.

He had been an idiot. He knew from the beginning. But did he stop it? Instead, he encouraged it, succumbed to it only to have it slap him across the face he was even lucky to be alive.

Sobs wracked his body once again. Turning to his side, he gagged as the effects of water loss took its toll on him as he coughed and threw up on the grass beside the spot where his head laid a while ago.

He stared at the now wet grass._ What am I doing?_

Leaning his forehead on the grass, he closed his eyes and took several deep breaths._ Why am I letting myself get so affected? I knew this was gonna happen._

Slowly, he braced himself and sat up, taking in the scene around him. A vast body of water lay before him, so serene as if never disturbed by the outside world. From the way it seemed to end on the grove of trees on either side, he surmised it was a lake.__

_A lake.__ Like that one…he shook his head again and stood up slowly, his whole body screaming in pain, but he ignored it._

Gingerly, he walked over to the bank, loathe to disturb the calm. He sat down beside the clear surface of the water and reached out. Before he even touched it, the world faded and everything disappeared.

AN: Don't worry, I intend on letting people know what's going on. I just have to know if anyone's reading this at all. So…it's that cute little 'go' button on the lower left-hand corner. Yep. That one. Arigatou!


	2. one

**Disclaimer: Still not mine. And I doubt I'd own it in the chapters to come. *sob***

**Warnings: None in this chapter. Oh, but the crappy writing still applies. ^_^******

**Notes: I actually had a second part written already when I posted the first one but due to a bit of debate between me and…me, I decided to change it. So…yeah. Hope you like this! ^_^**

Arigatou to Caer, Sarri-chan, Rei, koneko, Aine Dayus, Harlequin Light, Foxfire, Yuriko-chan, chibichibi-neko, and Shinigami for reviewing! And cookies for nintendoagekid for adding me to her faves list! Duuuuuuuude, I'm a fave! ^___^****

**June 14: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude. Took me long enough! Ff.net spazzed out for the last few days that I couldn't upload the damned thing…**

**Learning to Breathe**

**Uno******

It was a typical morning in the Sohma household. Sounds of plates being laid down as the table was prepared and the frequent turning of paper could be heard. Outside, the birds were chirping, leaves of the trees swayed to the beat set by the wind, the newspaper boy delivering the morning paper…

"DAMMIT!"

Yep. It was the typical morning.

Tohru Honda looked up from where she was setting the table, eyes wide. She turned to the other occupant of the room and was slightly disturbed that Shigure just turned his newspaper to another page, as if hearing nothing. Slowly, as if a rat tiptoeing around a sleeping cat, she went to where the noise came from and sighed in relief when she saw the aforementioned cat standing in front of the open fridge door, looking unhurt.

Although, he had this look about him. Almost as if he was…angry? "K-Kyou-kun?"

Sohma Kyou turned, scowling. "What?!"

"U-uhm…problem?"

"Nothing." Kyou growled, slamming the fridge door shut. He stalked out of the kitchen. As he passed by Tohru, she heard him mumbling something about a ruined morning because of the absence of milk. Finally realizing what the scream and stalking was all about, she turned around about to apologize when she hit something hard. Before she can even realize what it was, there was a puff of orange smoke in front of her and a very ticked cat almost buried in clothes. "S-sumimasen! I-I-I…waah!"

Shigure took a peek from behind his newspaper to see what the ruckus was all about. An orange cat was standing in front of a stuttering girl, trying its best to keep its temper below boiling point. If it wasn't such a usual sight, he'd be laughing his ass off by now.

"It's okay. Stop crying, will ya?!"

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Tohru smiled. "H-hai. Gomen ne…I used your milk for theACK!!!"

Quickly pulling on his clothes, Kyou sighed. They really have to do something about Tohru's guilt reflexes. It will be the death of her yet. Then again, if Ritsu and his mother are still alive up to now, then Tohru would definitely have a better expectancy than them. He guessed around 70. When he pulled on his last garment, he tapped the shivering girl on the shoulder and stood up, walking over to Shigure. "Oi."

The resident adult of the house looked up. "Nani, Kyou-kun? You want to ask for advice on how to dodge people's 'attacks'?" he said, chuckling.

"What's going on?" said a new voice.

Kyou turned sharply to him. "None of your business, k'so nezumi." Then to Shigure. "Oi, give me money, I'm going out to buy milk."

"It's my business seeing as you woke me up, baka neko."

"You wanna get it on, you stupid mouse?!"

"Boys, boys. Be a little discreet, will you? We're in the presence of a girl. Save the lovey-dovey banter for the room, okay?"

In a few seconds, he was reduced to a pile of twitching kimono as both Yuki and Kyou k.o.'d him while Tohru blushed.

~*~

Kyou scowled. He was hungry. And tired from dealing with both Shigure and Yuki so early in the morning. But he simply can't start a day without milk so he asked Shigure for money and went out to buy some.

He sighed, remembering the exchange of "I'll do it" "no, I'll do it" he had with Tohru before he went out the door and the girl finally admitted defeat and had breakfast.

The bell on the door of the convenience store clanged (or did it cling?) when he came in. Going for the stack of baskets on the other side of the door, he did his damnest to avoid contact with anyone, much less the opposite sex.

Checking the list he had in his hands, which Tohru gave him earlier, he went straight for the dairy section.

Just as he was about to grab a box of his preferred milk, a sight from outside the window caught his eyes. A mop of white hair was against the clear glass of the window as the owner was sitting on the sidewalk, leaning heavily. He was wearing a black coat with white fur on the collar. Kyou knew that if he ever searched anywhere in the world, there'd only be one person who'd be caught dead wearing that atrocity. But what he really wanted to know now was why he was sprawled on the sidewalk when he has a perfectly nice bed in the Main House. Of course, that meant having the same breathing space as Akito, but what the heck.

Grocery completely forgotten, Kyou retreated to the door and hastily dropped the basket on the floor. He turned a corner and saw that Haru was indeed, sprawled on the sidewalk. Growling to himself, he walked over to the sleeping boy._ Sleeping?! Why the heck is he sleeping here? Maybe got lost again. Huh._

"Oi," he said, kicking the unconscious figure slightly. "Oi, Haru."

"Nngrfss."

_Oh, for crying out… "Haru! Wake the fuck up! What are you doing here?"_

Liquid gray eyes opened and stared blankly at the space in front of it. As if trying to register the voice and the light kicking, Sohma Hatsuharu wrinkled his eyebrows. Slowly, he lifted his head and gazed at his older cousin. "Kyou."

Kyou sighed. "Yes, Haru. That's my name. What are you doing here?"

Haru frowned, trying to remember what happened. He was out with some friends the night before and…and then he woke up here. Today. He shook his head. "I…I don't know."

Were he not worried that he might smash the glass window into pieces, Kyou would've been banging his head on it by now. "Well. Do you plan on going home at all?" he asked, holding out a hand for the other boy.

Haru shrugged and reach out. "I suppose."

Growling, Kyou unconsciously checked the other boy for injuries or the like. Knowing Haru, he might've turned Black the night before and got himself a good beating. "C'mon, I'm taking you home."

"Home?"

"Yes, home." The orange-haired boy hissed. "You know, architectural structure. Walls, doors, windows. Ring any bells?"

Blank look. "That's a house."

Hands curled into fists. "Whatever it is, I'm taking you there. Let's go."

~*~

"Hatsuharu-san! What happened to you?"

"I found him lying on the sidewalk, dazed to the world." Kyou said as he closed the door. "I'm going to my room."

Tohru called out to him as she slightly pushed Haru to the common room. "Anou, Kyou-kun? Where are the groceries?"

"DAMMIT!"

AN: I need a beta. Badly. As you can see. *beautiful eyes* Anyone wanna offer? I'll give you hugs! Lotsanlots of 'em! ^_^ Oh, and congrats to those who figured out who the running person was. And I felt so smart thinking that no one would know who it was, too. Oh well, guess I underestimated all your mad Furuba skillz. *giggle*


	3. two

**Notes: **Yus, chapter 2. I actually had this written a week ago, but…ehh…

Shout outs to: Foxfire, Lady Geuna (I guess you'll have to wait and see then, huh? ^_~), Tenshi no ai (*laugh* it's "intRIGUing"), Sarri-chan, Vashkoda (I know. Sorry…English ain't my first language, so…), Ewen (well, jeez. In that case, I have to keep you interested, then, huh? ^_^), Shinigami (I already have two, but thanks for offering anyway ^_^), and chibichibi-neko (arigatou! Here it is. ^_^). You guys rock!****

**Learning to Breathe**

**Dos**

Kyou eyed the sleeping boy warily. Nothing seemed fatally wrong about Haru, except for the fact that he looked like he hadn't been fed for a month, but they called Hatori anyway.

Right now, the doctor was talking quietly with Shigure by the doorway. He turned his gaze to Tohru who was busy wiping a wet towel on Haru's face, whispering soothing words, Yuki beside him. He himself was sitting on chair by the desk—not too near that it would look like he cared, but not too far that it makes him look like an unconcerned asshole. Besides, he preferred to sit there so he can catch bits and pieces from the adults' conversation. So far, he caught the words 'dehydration', 'starving', and 'drugs'. He shrugged and turned back to the three on the bed. Maybe Haru was on some sort of diet or something. That stupid cow.

A few seconds later, he heard footsteps from the doorway and didn't even bother to lift his eyes for he knew it was just Hatori and the baka inu. They stopped by the bed, a few inches away from where Yuki and Tohru sat. He almost snorted. He knew that Yuki was just there so he could be beside Tohru and she'd think that he actually gave a damn._ Damn mouse._

Hatori cleared his throat and all eyes turned to him. "Well, I'll be going now. Don't let him go out unsupervised, and tell me if anything goes wrong."

Shigure's eyes brightened. "Ne, Ha-san, why don't you stay here? I'm sure Tohru-kun will whip up something delicious for dinner, ya wouldn't wanna miss it!"

Tohru looked up, smiling. "Hai, Hatori-san. You can stay! It'll be lots of fun!"

~*~

After dinner, Yuki excused himself to go up to his room. Kyou went up to the roof while Shigure and Hatori retreated to Shigure's office. Torhu just smiled and collected the dishes.

When the door to Shigure's office shut, Hatori spoke up. "Are you sure you can keep an eye on him?"

Shigure pouted. "Mou…Ha-san, have you no faith?"

"Do you want the truth?"

"Hidoi!"

Lighting up a cigarette, Hatori walked over to the balcony and watched the sky. "I'm worried."

Shigure sidled up next to him, immediately going serious. "I know. Me, too."

"He's not usually like this. At least not this bad." Hatori said, blowing smoke through his nose.

Taking the pack from Hatori's shirt pocket, Shigure lit himself a stick before handing the box back to the other. "So, I take it the new friends aren't being very helpful?"

The doctor didn't even regard that with an answer, he just shot his cousin a look that clearly said 'duh. Ya think?' Shigure chuckled. "What now?"

Hatori sighed. "Now, I go home. I tell Akito that Haru's staying here—not like he'd care—and we watch him. As closely as possible."

"You think we should tell the kids?"

"You think we can get away with discreetly telling them to watch over their cousin very closely and not let him go near any drug-dealing, pot-smoking, lice-breeding looking guys with no explanation whatsoever? Good luck."

Taking a deep drag, Shigure bit back laughter. It wasn't often that Hatori uses sarcasm with a passion. Then again, it also wasn't often that one of their cousins almost died of alcohol poisoning. He shook his head. At least Haru was able to throw up before passing out. "It's getting late."

Hatori nodded. With one final drag, he stubbed his stick on the railing. Without a word, he turned around and walked leisurely to the door, leaving Shigure staring out, cigarette still in hand. "I'll drop by tomorrow to check up on things." And the door shut.

Shigure nodded.

~*~

Kyou was worried.

No, he was more than worried. He was angry. He was sad. He wanted Haru to be okay.

The others couldn't see it (or maybe they just don't care), but he gets very unsettled when any one of them got sick. Even Yuki. Or Akito. His Shishou told him that sometimes, sickness can also be brought about by what the person feels. If the mind and heart are as weak as the body, a person won't even have the strength to stand up on their own. It's how everything is connected.

Maybe that's why Akito was so sick all the time.

He shook his head._ Focus. Haru. Right._

He didn't tell anyone, but he was sure Shigure caught up on it, and Hatori would most definitely know. When he brought Haru in, the other boy had a very distinct alcoholic smell. He couldn't tell Tohru about it because he knew the girl would just have a seizure. And there was no way in hell he'd even consider talking to Yuki about_ **anything.**___

_What's up with that fat cow, anyway, drinking like that?_

He knew something else was up. Something bigger. Hatori and Shigure were talking far too long, with far too hushed voices to even hide it. Maybe the others noticed it, too, but like him, they decided to just wait things out.__

_Watch him closely, Hatori said. Why? Is Haru doing anything funky?_

Light suddenly emanated from the room below him, to the right._ Shigure's office. I bet that damned place is filled with hentai books that he wrote. Ch'. _He heard the door that led to the balcony open and someone stepped out. He heard a voice._ Hatori. And then, another one.__ That baka inu. They're talking again._

His curiosity piqued to the fullest now, he slowly crawled over to the edge and leaned toward the source of the voices._ They're talking about Haru._

After a few minutes, there was only silence and he could hear the sound of a door close. Hatori left and he had no idea what the heck they were talking about._ What new friends? I've never seen Haru with anyone else besides that annoying usagi. He sighed. _Well, that was helpful.__

He remained in that position for a few minutes when he heard it. It was quiet, melodious, and very familiar. It was Shigure's chuckling. "Don't worry, Kyou-chan! You'll find out tomorrow!"

Eyes wide, Kyou grasped the edges of the roof to keep from falling. "I wasn't listening!"

Shigure laughed again. "I know, I know. Good night, Kyou."

~*~

Yuki shut his notebook. He'd been staring at the damned thing for almost half an hour. Practically ever since he stepped in the room and sat in front of it. Walking over to his bed, he plopped himself and placed both hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling now, instead.

Haru. The whole time he knew his cousin, no matter how dazed the other may seem to the world, it just wasn't like him to fall asleep on a sidewalk somewhere. There had got to be something more to it.

Now that he thought of it, he did see Haru with a bunch of rugged-looking guys the week before. He didn't mind it because for them, having friends is one luxury that they didn't often indulge in. Besides, Haru actually looked like he fitted there.

When realization struck him, he sat up straight._ Could it be...? He wouldn't. But he can…I swear to god, if he did… _Hastily getting off the bed, he opened the door and walked three doors to the end of the hall.

He slowly slid the door open, careful not to wake the occupant of the room. Stepping in, he slid the door shut as gently and tiptoed over to the bed. He gazed down at his sleeping cousin, carefully assessing his physical features. In sleep, Haru looked like an angel, with his white hair and pale skin, and the gentle rise of his cheekbone. He could actually pass for a girl. But not as well as Yuki can pull it off. Wrinkling his nose at the thought, the purple-haired teenager knelt down beside the bed, eyes still glued to the slumbering boy. He almost felt bad for Haru. Despite the rather tough exterior, he knew how fragile and soft his younger cousin was and he didn't think he can forgive himself if anything bad ever happened to the other.

Stroking the hair spread across the pillows like a halo, Yuki prayed his thoughts would prove him wrong. If they did prove him right…if they did…_Akito's_ gonna pay dearly.__

~*~

Tohru Honda wiped her hands on a rag and looked around the kitchen, nodding. She was tired. What with the events of the day, and she still had to do the normal things she did around the house.

Giving the place one last look, she went to check the doors and windows and went upstairs.

She was about to go in her room, when the door at the end of the hall caught her eyes. She yawned. She's tired, but it won't hurt to check up on Haru before going to bed. Slowly, she slid the door open, but her eyes widened at what she saw. Inside, Yuki kneeled by the bed, head cushioned by his folded arms, peacefully sleeping. On the bed, Haru had the same peaceful expression as he slumbered. Loathe to disturb the mood and wake both boys up, she opened the door enough so she could squeeze in and tiptoed to the closet at one end of the room. Opening it, she picked up a blanket and secured it around the sleeping Yuki. Admiring her work, he stepped back and gave them both one final glance before she tiptoed back out, shutting the door.

When she got in her room, she went straight to her desk, smiling at the picture sitting there. "Konban wa, Okaa-san. So many things happened today. This morning, Kyou-kun brought Hatsuharu-san in. He said he saw Hatsuharu-san on the sidewalk beside the grocery, sleeping there. We called Hatori-san and he took care of him." She sighed. "I'm worried, Okaa-san. I think Hatsuharu-san is having some problems…" she yawned. "Ahh…okaa-san, I'm tired. I guess I should go to sleep now, ne? Oyasumi…" kissing the ends of her index and middle fingers, she pressed them against the glass of the frame and stood up, changing into her night clothes.

AN: I'm…supposed to say something here, but I forgot what. Oh, yeah. I don't like Tohru's version. I actually did the whole chapter already, when I realized that everyone had their parts, except her. This is the reason why I don't like writing stories where there are lots of characters…


	4. just a message

…to tell everyone that I am not, in fact, dead. ^^;;; School's just been pretty hectic and I'm having a bit of trouble with my oh-so-complicated plot. Apparently, my writing skillz can't compete with my mind's imagining skillz. So, yeah. A bit of conflict on that one.

However! I** will **try to get this one done and hopefully, I have a chapter up before the turn of the century. *gasp* I only have_ 97 years _to go! (would you believe I HAD to compute that? Pen, paper and all…*giggle*) Must…cram…

So…yeah. I'm not dead. Just lurking.

(taken from: Whinings of an Amateur)


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